was having a conversation with a friend here about the differences between us and you and I thought it might be useful for men to get an insight into our world – maybe one of you could do the same for us instead of a few lines about how we are incomprehensible to you.
As a child I wasn’t that aware of being female, besides my long hair I didn’t think I looked that different to boys. I never had brothers so the physical differences where not apparent to me until my mother told me about them. I don’t know why but I never separated out the genders, to me a man and a woman where different to a child anyway. Older girls got boobs, older boys got hairy, and so on, I didn’t wonder why – it just was.
I had male cousins, male friends but there was no doctor and nurse activities or naked bathing to show me any different. I went to a girls school, we wore dresses, boys wore shorts in summer, some times they wore slacks in winter, we wore tights.
Until the horror of puberty – and it is horror for us – you are not that aware of things, if I looked down as a child I saw nothing, it must seem odd to you. For us the moment pubic hair appears it seems its time to start getting rid of all of it, time to puck eyebrows and everything else gets cut off. There wasn’t excessive pressure to do that at school but you where made fun of if you didn’t at least keep it to a minimum. The school’s line of that was to not get involved.
Boobs appear, they hurt, they get in the way and they stop you being almost a boy, when they first appear, or don’t is the only time we are fascinated by them, that wears off fast when you get them yourself, everything changes, how you sleep, how you move and omg is that hot guy looking at me? (Blush)
That about sums up most of the things physical.
Mentally big difference! You confuse us as much as we confuse you. You think we are vain and aloof, we wonder why all this fucking make-up, haircare, acting grown up and expensive clothes isn’t making you talk to us and we get profoundly insecure, this only gets worse and worse as boys we like, fail to be able to string a sentence together when we approach.
We then start looking for answers in al the wrong places, Cleo, Cosmo, TV, Music, older girls and you. If you guys get horny hormones we get emotional ones, ok we get horny too, don’t get me wrong, but emotion for us is the big one. You get shitty when the older boys use lines on us and we go doe eyed, you should try that instead of not speaking to us when you know you want to – in our neurotic minds you hate us.
To be female is to be judged for your looks, If you are not skinny, flawless, have long perfect hair, tall and perfect you are a failure. Even if you have most of those you will feel like shit because somewhere someone has that, and you never will so you compensate by going overboard where you can. The thing is even your friends are doing this, and if you are more attractive than your buddy, she will end up resenting you and if you are not as perfect you will resent her.
Every time someone says isn’t such and such pretty you will die a little inside, even if you don’t buy into it this will effect you, and you will be on the look out for any sign of decent. If you, by some strange accident of fate, find a boy who likes you (is he holding back vomit when he kisses me?) you will question why he likes you, unless he tells you a lot, and lets face it men only say that when they want head – or thats what we are taught.
How do we cope with this? We talk, we talk a lot, about everything and anything to each other and who ever will listen. I know this annoys men, because you are used to dealing with things in your own private, and ignore it so it goes away way. And that’s exactly why we leave you, we have no idea what is going on in that quiet little head of yours. If you had talked to us, confronted the problems we where having then we wouldn’t be here, now throwing plates your mother gave us around.
Women don’t go “hmm problem what’s the solution so I can move onto watching sport” we go “hey I feel bad about this, can we talk about it until I feel better?” Now you understand why don’t you? Because problems never go away they just shrink when we confront them.
Now go talk to each other, and don’t forget to pay on your way out.